A cold, rainy (read pissing down) night was spent in Darlinghurst celebrating Aunt Viv’s birthday, my plans of a feast at Govina’s went south with the rainy wind when we discovered they no longer opened on Tuesday nights, so after shaking a shitlisting fist in the general direction of the closed establishment, we bundled up our inverting umbrella’s and settled in for a Thai feast fit for a celebrating Viv. It’s amazing the cross over vibe between Darlinghurst and Kings Cross, you can feel the world change in a few short footsteps.
Archive for September, 2010
Many years ago a friend of mine thought he’d have a shot at pop stardom, sadly for the world of performance art he was a one shot wonder. With thoughts of Marcia Hines, Marty Rhone and Noosha Fox swirling in his brain, Beryl laid down this toe tapping tune. Some people are so well known, so famous, and so iconic that they only need one name, ie Diana, Ringo, Prince, Elvis and of course our very own “Beryl”.
This foray into the world of pop superstardom was accompanied by a few select personal appearances, mostly back yards. However one memorable, crowd shredding performance at Burwood Westfield is still talked about in hushed tones by the locals. Then again, why would they want to speak aloud of Beryl appearing on the round stage opposite Priceline, dressed in a long black lace frock, collection of Jaxie wipes, prods and wands in her gnarled hands, only to drop to the ground and proceed to do an improvised cossack dance that had those in the front rows scratching at there eyes with cutlery, dry retching in shocked emotion, and in one mans case self immolation (lets just say Sharon Stone has been known to wear panties more frequently than Beryl).
A big shout out must go to supreme mix master and sound engineer “DJ KOOZ”, much like Britney without Kevin, or Whitney without Bobby, Beryl would be nothing without the mastery of this aural genius.
It’s time to break out the glow sticks, dig the amyl out of the freezer, slip on a pair a teste and/or camel toe enhancing skin tight satin disco pants, and click on the following highlighted link to be taken to Beryl’s very own Xanadu “Still In Motion“
Click the following highlighted link to hear Miss Tammy sing Happy Birthday just for you, if it helps to visualise, i’m wearing a soiled, waist high, blue brynylon nightie, with matted ostrich feathers around the neckline “HAPPY BIRTHDAY“
Poor Debbie Burn, no wonder she went off the rails there for a while, look at her tiara she was crowned ‘Queen of pop’ in, it looks like it was shaped out of used pipe cleaners. I think once she was crowned with the wonky tiara, and that moment was the possible pinacle of your career, there was only one way to go, strait into a lifestyle that would guarantee at least a two page spread in New Idea three times a year.
Welcome to a faux Saturday night at “Tingle Manor”, where the order of the day is keys in the bowl, no sticking fingers in the cheesey fondue pot, and definately NO open toe’d white heels, closed toe is fine so long as it’s before October.
This is where i get to warm up the Krysler three in one, and play DJ on my blog. Like a cross between Steve Parsons, Allan Jones and Susan Sangsters 1983 two week stint on 2UE, i’ll be dusting off some old platters and sounds that reside in the bulging “Tingle Audio Archives”.
These aural morsels have been collected for years and years, i have a ton of stuff .. well, a ton of shit really to share, and you know with me, it’s all about giving, and sharing .. and yes, sometimes even caring.
I was torn as to what should be the first song to upload for the inaugural “Tammys Turntable”, it took me all of two seconds to decide that it just had to be Bernard King singing ‘Kitchen Man’.
I could print the lyrics, but i feel it’s best to settle back with a snifter of port, a freshly decapped texta to sniff, and a pair of open ears so the lyrical twists, and delights of Bernard can wash over you like a warm summer breeze (if you lived next door to an abotoir that is).
Without further ado please click on the following highlighted link “Bernard”
Once more Woman’s Day delivers gold, if it’s not there exclusive interview with Matt Newtown bleating about how great he’d done in rehab, it’s wheel out some Aussie soap icons. In a cross promotion stiffy inducing moment, the same time this article hit the stands Newton jr was trundled back into rehab .. which seems to be the preferred method of treatment these days for violent assholes.
With bad comes good, and in a recent issue of Womans Day we had a double page spread on a Number 96 reunion for Johnny Lockwoods 90th birthday. I was watching old episodes last night and was rolling on the floor laughing, so many shows don’t live up to your childhood memories, but Number 96 does, my favorite ‘Dorrie-ism’ from last night was ‘I blame you for this Herbert, i’m at the point of having a cerebral haemoroid’ .. Gold’, Gold!!, Gold!.
For all things Number 96 click “Here“.
After the news of the AFL player saying players who are gay should not come out, and the backlash from that, and now recently seeing our local member of parliament outed by a tabloid news show, i think it’s safe to say homophobia is alive and well and living in a person near you.
The outing of Dave Campbell was an attack of pure homophobia, it cannot be excused or explained away as anything else.
Using the excuse that he had used a ‘ministerial car’?, so what?, the man has done nothing illegal, visiting a gay sex on premises venue is not illegal, it is not a crime, it may be morally questionable in some peoples minds, but if he’d used the car to go purchase a carton of cigarettes, a carton of beer or to go place a bet, it wouldn’t matter a jot, all those things to some are of questionable morality, but not illegal, and in this insane world what isn’t questionable and morally offensive to some, what is morally offensive to me is that gay men of every age are committing suicide at up to four times the average for males, that people of the GLBTI community are being bashed and maimed and killed, and that isolation and loneliness is a wretched problem in the GLBTI community.
Mostly I feel for the guy, and a sense of great sadness that our very recent, and current history, that made it impossible for a man of his generation to come out, to be supported and to be nurtured in his true self, even when I was young, and Dave is an alma mater of my own Corrimal High School, it was absolutely not an option to come out and be open about your sexuality, just being in the music class got you bashed, I may be staring down the barrel of a total prolapse and fast approaching a state decrepitude, but I didn’t go to school ‘that’ long ago, and guys and girls, I hate to say this again but it still isn’t that good for us, recently in Surry Hills a man was gay bashed, did I mention this happened on the international day against homophobia?.
Some will say ‘It’s their personal business if they come out or not’, and that’s true, but I’m also calling it that that defence has a wider impact on our community, our safety and our well being and acceptance, and we can’t dance around that or deny it, being visible and normalising (for want of a better word) our part in the world community is all our responsibility, from a Storeperson right through to, well lets say, an Olympic world record holder, you know the old clichés, ‘every grain of sand’ ‘Every drop of water’ well, they’re true.
How much are we to blame as a community? If we don’t want the shame, the scandal, the getting caught out, the getting comfortable having different levels of openness, or lies, for different sets of people around us, then we have to be brave and step up to the plate and take whatever is flung at us, whatever pain we have to endure and whatever the consequence may be, but something to remember is that it will be ‘their’ issue and problem, but we’ll have our dignity. Not for a second do I suggest it will be, or is easy, when I came out I lost 25 kilo’s with the stress (see, their can be a silver lining) we risk losing family, friends, being ridiculed, anger and hatred, but how much energy and distraction do we expend by jumping, and hopping around juggling comfort levels for others, when we’re not comfortable ourselves?, who are we living for here?, I think the perfect example of what happens when you juggle for others, we are seeing in the story of David Campbell, to quote Keith Richards ‘You can’t accuse me of something I’ve admitted to’, sooner or later it comes crumbling down, and we lose the control of the situation, the trying to solve and cover many problems, when as painful as it may be, the truth would have been the only way for him to remain empowered.
Complacency is a very dangerous thing, how many times in history have groups of people said ‘It’s not too bad, they just dislike us’ Then ‘It’s not too bad, they aren’t kicking us out of our homes’ Next ‘It’s not too bad, they aren’t killing us’ Till finally ..
I feel for us, and all we risk, all we have risked and everything that has been lost by being truthful to ourselves, and those around us, but again quite often it is only thus as we try and satisfy the morals, the intolerances, the prejudices and the narrow mindedness and the uneducated around us.
I guess we’re all complicit in this to one extent or another, I’ve long believed that ‘well enough’ isn’t good enough, being ‘relatively’ comfortable behind our locked doors, and SOME streets, if we alter and compromise our usual behaviour, is just not good enough for me, as long as we can’t marry, can’t adopt, have to lie, can’t be totally open, have to change our behaviour any time we step outside our front door, can’t hold hands walking down Crown st, have to alter our movements, activities, the way we speak, and act, and a million other things (and tell me that we don’t all do those things to some extent) then I think we all have a duty to do more, have a sense of pride and ownership in our true selves.
I don’t think I need to spell out in point form all the positives that could also come out of choosing to ‘live the truth’, for every negative there has to be an equal and opposite positive.
These are just my thoughts, what are the answers?, I don’t really know, what do we do about it?, that’s up to you.
I’ll finish off with my favourite quote by Benjamin Franklin ..
“Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety deserve neither Liberty nor Safety”.
Just the thought of nits makes my flesh crawl, how very common they are, Nits .. aka Head Lice, it really sounds suburban, if i ever get them i’ll be telling everyone i have Cranial Scabies, or Mutated Ringworm Bitey Monsters, but not nits, far, far too common for me.
You have to wonder about this salon, do the people also get a Toni perm whilst they’re waiting for the tight toothed, metalic comb to draw through there greasy infested hair?, do they dip the combs into glass jars of battery acid instead of the equally mysterious, but more standard, white fluid in a jar you see on every barbers bench?. Do they sit around under hair driers gossiping, and supping tea, while waiting for the nest behind there earlobe to expell it’s payload of scampering crusteacia?. I’ve long felt hairdressers should be able to swipe your medicare card for all the counselling they do during the course of a normal visit for a ‘Cut, colour, curl, condition’, however anyone at this salon listening to the problems of people trying to expell an invasive eco system out of there hair, i think deserves a little more than a swipe of a medicare card.
I’m loving these new sealed milk shake thingys with jelly in the bottom, they’re some Asian fad which has taken off here, it’s a total challenge, but i rise to the occasion, and do not leave the cup until i have sucked up every last bit of cubed jelly from the bottom. My temples fold in, my nostrils pinch shut, my eyes cross and my blurter is pursed tighter than a .. well, tighter than something or other, no matter .. but through that straw it is possible to draw up every last coagulated drop.