MEN THAT LOOK LIKE OLD LESBIANS:
Step up and take a bow Steven Tyler.
SHITTER AFICIONADO:
The above photo showcases the high level of class amongst the students where i work, perhaps i shouldn’t be so dismissive, I’d like to think one of our artier students actually done this as an art installation, i live in hope .. and secret admiration.
This baby i stumbled upon at a restaurant in Newtown, i was in awe at the extreme ‘Servery platter’ shitter bowl, for the life of me i don’t know what the design advantages are to having a landing strip in the bowl, i have to wonder if the owners picked this up from an auction of medical supplies and this bowl was actually used for examination and dissection, an unsavoury topic for sure, but you do have to wonder .. and if you don’t, then you should.
Recently while scouring ebay i came across the above gems from Number 96, little b/w personality cards that the studio used to send out to fans of the show.
Amazingly after years of thinking it was lost i just found the card (See below) i had been given by Mike Dorsey who played Reg (Daddy) MacDonald on the show, the above screen captures tho bad quality show the moment i was given this card.
Years ago in 1974 the cast of Number 96 traveled by train to Melbourne for the Logie Awards, i’m guessing this was around April 1974 as that’s when the Logies are traditionally held. At the time even tho only nine years old i was allowed to watch Number 96, which kind of gave me almost celebrity status at school.
My dad had had a severe heart attack at this time, and before a visit to the hospital my sister took me to Corrimal train station to greet the Number 96 express (Even at that age i was a fame whore) I remember the jostle of the crowd, and i remember it started to rain afterwards. The train pulled in to Corrimal station and the stars appeared at the carriage doors to hand out these photo cards, i think Mike Dorsey threw this one and i dropped it in a puddle, hence the slightly traumatised state of the photograph.
I remember calling into the corner store on the way to visit my dad to get him some lollies, and going into intensive care to excitedly show him my almost first brush with fame (Humphrey B Bear when i was five really can’t count can it?).
Years later when i got the Number 96 Pantyhose Strangler DVD set i was amazed to see in the special features footage filmed at Corrimal station when the train pulled in, I’ve searched, but alas no sign of a little Greg with goggled eyes, staring up in abject awe at these local, early filth mentors for him.
For all things Number 96 click “Here“.
DUSK:
Dusk from my kitchen window, i love this view and i can stand for ages watching the boats to and fro across the sea and into the harbour.
CHOPSTICKS WITH THAT SIR?:
I cant help it, each time i drive past this store i cant help but read it as ‘Jiz Sushi’, maybe i have a wonky eye.
ALF, Whizzer Deever, Raquel Ochmoneck and Willie:
Found this pic on line when Tyson and i were work shopping fancy dress idea’s for Adam’s birthday, once i saw this pic of the ALF head i was on a mission, where could i find a head like that with the tumorous swollen goiter neck? .. alas Wollongong was fresh out so desperate times called for desperate measures so i went to Spotlight and asked the lady to show me a roll of her finest fur, when i saw how much they were charging for a metre of faux pheline i knew i had to downsize my plans, so i asked for 10cm of the cheapest skanky matted nylon fur and went home and cut it into tufts that i stuck to myself in random places, i arrived and announced i was ALF with ‘alopecia’, i think i got away with it.
RANDOM MOBILE PICS EARLY 2009:
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1) Hmmmmm, someone else is making Tammy pills.
2) Mardi Gras 2009.
3) Miss Beryl eating a faux chicken leg, i have a thousand lines and i’m not going to utter one of them.
4) Think about this for a sec .. Kahmal has a three disc cd set, featuring the Elephant song, the world truely is a strange place.
5) Miss Tyson has kindly loaned me his piano, so now i can practice at top volume my favorite Yoko Ono avante guarde works as well as perfecting my Jerry Lee Lewis foot playing the piano moves, trust me Tyson the piano is in good and safe hands.
6) The HOT boy in my unit block (he who mysteriously always leaves his front door ajar) has fashioned this stunning wire coat hanger car arial penis on his car, and who say’s strait boys have no taste.
7) Piss weak foam ice cream demo’s from Berry, i ordered Pugsly the punk and it came out looking like a rat with a hair lip that had been shot in the face with 12 guage shotgun, it was yummy tho.
8) Hmmm, this jogs a memory, when i was in high school i actually wrote and illastrated a ‘Reality Mr Men’ book, i still have and i should dig it out and scan a few of the drawings .. those that i can without having Blogger remove my blog.
9) Saw this parked near mum’s, i’m loving sick the shag pile carpet on the tread board, also the utter defiance of parking in a ‘No Parking’ zone is totally hot.
10) What isnt to love about Op Shops, a bin of crutches, most with a disturbing discolourisation of the underarm padded support, i love these almost as much as the foot spa’s you get at op shops that have a tell tale tide mark crust of corn, exema and bunion.
11) A real live packet of Persil i saw in a shop front in Newtown .. please, let fate decree that one day before i die i will get to live there or at least close by, i’m not asking for the moon, just a place where i can walk and find Persil and Rinso sitting in a shop front window.
12) A gaggle of crocheted poodles, where else but Newtown.
February 12th 2009, a date circled most enthusiastically in my diary, for this was the day when i finally had the honour of paying homage to the most influential lady to ever cross the entertainment, and political stages of Australia. Forget your Chelsea Brown’s and Bronwyn Bishops, none of them hold a melting candle to Joylene Thornbird Hairmouth.
Joylene was starring in a show at the factory theatre ‘Betcha thought i was dead .. ‘ and so it was that the collective Miss’s Tammy, Stephanie, Beryl and Viv went along with butterflies sniffing amyl in our bellies, such was the level of our excitement.
I cant go into a review of the show, it was one of those ‘You just have to see it to believe it’ situations, i went merely excited to be seeing Joylene for the first time but we left having seen an amazingly well written, and sharp piece of theatre.
At the end of the show Joylene left the stage, i thought alas my chance of kneeling before her to pay my respects had flown out the window, but upon leaving the theatre and entering the foyer Miss Stephanie squealed ‘She’s here!’ and so we hung back while Joylene conversed with some friends of hers, i was amazed to realize that for almost the first time in my life i was nervous to be meeting a star!.
I’ve met more famous people than Beryl has had interventions, I’ve done all the biggies, including Diana and Paul McCartney, but Joylene was rooted a little deeper in my belly.
When i thought about it i realised that Joylene was someone who struck a very deep, and early chord with me .. but not an obvious one, Diana yeah for the glam, and Paul for the music, but Joylene went deeper, to a darker more hidden place.
Then it all came together for me while waiting to meet her, when i used to watch Joylene on tv when i was a kid, she was a drag terrorist, she was doing things that no one would dare do in 1970’s Australia, a disemboweling drag queen appearing on the daytime blue rinse Mike Walsh show?, a self immolating drag queen running for the Australian senate?, my little fourteen year old eyes were watching all this, and tho I’ve never had the urge to don an osti frock, i was desperate to be however, and whatever i was meant to be.
I felt crushed, compressed and moulded into what i was supposed to be, or expected to be, but through watching Joylene all those years, it must have sunk in deep, that you can step outside the square, you can do whatever you want to do (sometimes at a high cost, but surely it’s a higher cost to not do that) it is possible to not fit the mold.
I now know that that is what my little eyes were taking in.
When Joylene finished talking to her friends, i went over and introduced myself, and instantly i felt a warmth, a sense of gratitude to her i could not convey. It was a joy for me to see the sense of wonder in Beryl’s eyes as she realised she was in the presence of greatness, she was standing before Australia’s very own Drag terrorist, our very own Filth Queen if you will, and no matter how many rats have lived in Beryl’s drag wigs, she could never hold a torch to Joylenes monolithic, iconic beehive blade (Which should be in the Powerhouse museum along with Joylene’s other fashions, i mean if they can have an exhibition of Diana’s dresses and artifacts surely one dedicated to Joylene cant be far away).
Joylene was so very gracious, and entertained us for several minutes, and accommodated photo’s and autograph’s, we bid our thanks and farewell’s, after fullfilling our desire, to prone ourselves, to prostrate ourselves before her size 12 court heels, in utter gratitude, and thanks.
It was rather telling when we were outside, Stephanie commented ‘Isn’t it lovely when you meet someone you love and admire, and they aren’t an arsehole’.
Click here for my previous Joylene post.
Once again Joylene, thank you from the heart of my bottom.
WHAT SHITS ME:
You know what shits me off? everything is getting smaller! just the other day i got a spinach and cheese roll and sauce, and when i went to blurt the sauce out i looked at how little the saches hold now, i like my ipods getting smaller, i DONT like my condiments shrinking, you want proof? just go to Wendy’s and see what size the milkshakes are there now Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
GREG’S DOO DOO:
How cool is this, for my birthday my neices partner Emily, my sister and my neice Lis made me this awesome comfort rug, or my ‘Doo Doo’ as i have always called them, the really cool thing about it is it’s in my favorite black and it has been patched with Ben Sherman Beatle print material, if you look closely at the photo you can see the Fabs faces in the patches, this is one of the best presents i’ve ever recieved.
SUPERMAN:
I was going to make you guess what it is i’m holding in this photo, but i know the crass nature of my readership which is only tempered by the extreme delicate nature of a few people who look on here ..
What i have in my hand is an actual prop crystal from the original Superman movie, my old buddy Matt is a bigger movie fanatic than even i am, i mean who else do you know that owns Matt Dillon and Ben Afflecks soiled clothing? (Matt drove a hard bargain but for twenty bucks he let me sniff the armpit of Matt Dillons shirt .. ahhhh, sweet filth)
JUDITH LUCY:
For my birthday this year i went with Beryl and a group of friends to the Opera House to see Judith Lucy’s latest show, it was an absolute hoot and i’ve long said if i had to turn strait for a night it would probably be with Judith, not sure what that says about me .. or her really, anyway it was a beautiful warm night around the harbour and we took the chance to grab a photo as the setting sun turned the harbour gold.
Just in case you’re wondering, yes that is a full underarm bush in the last photo of Judith, what can i say .. she’s an earthy girl.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN:
I love this old photo of me i found, it says so much. You can see me in our backyard where i have been placed before a soccer ball, wearing my brothers soccer boots standing on what was used as a cricket pitch in our backyard, if you look up the top you can even see where the lawn is worn from the batting, my dad is standing in the right of the photo willing me on to do something, anything all the while i’m standing there with my little hands demurely clasped together probably thinking ‘I dont think so honey!!’. This strip of lawn was later the site of endless hours of torture to me when my brother would make me stand there and bowl over and over to him as he practiced batting, even to this day whenever i have to throw a ball i dry retch, the sporting gene very obviously past me by and flew right over my head.
SKID MARKS:
Got to spend some quality time with Matt while in Melbourne, on this day Matt took me to the Melbourne eye or whatever it’s called, it’s a huge 35 story ferris wheel and the day we went was the first 43 degree day of what was to become Melbourne’s heatwave, everyone else was excited about looking out over the city, but i only had eyes for the out of control skid marks on the top level of the parking station, Matt delighted in calling me later to tell me that due to the extreme head the wheel had began to buckle and had closed down.
BOARDING PASS:
How prophetic those words on the sign were to turn out, this is just before Tyson and i were due to fly out at 3.00pm for Melbourne, we didnt take to the skies till 8.00pm, plenty of time for me to scam an arm full of Virgin Blue meal vouchers, i found the trick was to go up and ask for them just after an agro customer had exploded and ripped a new one to the poor staff behind the counter, they were so flustered they didnt know what they were handing out and even forgot to stamp them .. which proved handy for my meals on the return trip.
TRIPLE TREAT:
Weird tripple exposure of me and my mum and brother.
HEY CHARGER! :
Coolest car ever, saw this on where else but Greville St in Melbourne, i was in awe.
RETRO RED TRACKY:
I used to live in this red tracksuit when i was a kid, tho hip enough to break it up so it was a mix and match, in the bottom photo you can see Michelle, myself, Dani and Kylie on uncle Harry’s farm, great memories from here and it was at this farm i learnt to ride an adult motorbike, i was too small to put my feet down when i wanted to stop so i would ride around for ages and ages and then call out to my brother John when i wanted to stop and he would have to run along side the bike and catch me.
For dedicated Tammy fashion followers please note in the bottom photo the first appearance of my signature Converse Chuck Taylors, really i should have a sponsorship deal with them.
FANCY DRESS:
Each year over summer we would go to a big fancy dress party, i used to always clean up with first prize, this was another winning year for me where i went dressed as a pirate ‘Lookout in the crows nest’ my dad had actually made a birds nest to go around my waist and even put eggs in it, my poor niece Kylie didnt fare so well that year, she’s the one on the left of the photo with a bit of orange cardboard and some haphazard tin foil wrapped around her head as she tried to pass as a bottle of rum .. Kylie likes to remind people that she’s the middle child.
DAX DOWN SOUTH:
Made sure to catch up with my nephew Dax while in Melbourne, i was most proud to introduce him to Chad, Dax became a little too enarmoured with Chad and i shot him a sideways glance when he said ‘Lets hold his little paws up so they wiggle’.
MARCIA’S BIRTHDAY IN NEWTOWN:
Cant remember the name of the place we ate, but it had the yummiest, most fattening gobblesome vegetarian food i’ve eaten in ages, luckily i remember how to get back there.
HARMONIUM:
Photoshop gone made here, in the original photo i’m holding a hanky in my right hand, but it just looked way to gay and delicate, so i photoshopped it out and in the process made it look as if i have a manky pinky on my right hand, that will teach me to try and toughen myself up and redress sexuality by the power of photoshop (i can recommend the ‘Heal tool’ for getting rid of those pesky crows feet however.)
ALL FOOD GROUPS COVERED:
Only in Qld would you find a store front advertising Knobs AND Freddo Frogs.
MEDICAL SUITE:
While in Melbourne, on a dare Tyson actually spend 15 hours in the Emergency Dept of the Princess Stephanie hospital pretending to be a doctor, talk about laugh! (Tyson, do you know if wooden speculums are tax deductable?)
BREE AND AMY:
My two little nieces who blew me out when i was visiting Qld by pulling out violins and cello’s and playing them with such talent and feeling, obviously my AMAZING musical genes ran strait to their pool.
