SEPTEMBER 9, 2015<\/p>\n Once a year is not a good year. <\/p>\n CAROLINE DUNCAN<\/p>\n Article originally published on news.com.au, and can be viewed HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n OPINION<\/p>\n R U OK? Day is a great concept, but why don\u2019t we ask that question of those we know and care about on one of the other 364 days of the year? Depression is a silent, devastating menace that all too many people endure alone. And often the first time those close to them learn about it, it can be too late. The day has been hijacked by a mindless staff social committee and slotted into the office events calendar alongside inane events such as \u2018Crazy Hair Wednesday\u2019 or \u2018Wear Your Footy Team\u2019s Colours To Work\u2019 day.<\/p>\n In fact, Geoff is dreading it so much he is seriously considering chucking a sickie on September 10 just to avoid it altogether. You see Geoff has had depression for years and actually attempted suicide four years ago, something only his closest family and friends know.<\/p>\n R U OK? Day has been poorly rolled out in Geoff\u2019s workplace by the office social butterflies seeking yet another way to break up the monotony of corporate life, with all the same grace and decorum as they would run the annual office Melbourne Cub sweep.<\/p>\n The subject of mental health and suicidal thoughts is not given the seriousness it deserves and for Geoff it makes him feel worse.<\/p>\n Photo above:<\/strong> Lance \u201cBuddy\u201d Franklin with his fiancee Jesinta Campbell. Picture: Alex CoppelSource:News Corp Australia<\/p>\n The founders of R U OK? Day never intended this, of course. The day is meant to highlight the need for an ongoing dialogue about suicide and to encourage people to talk to others to see if they are struggling with life all year round, not just on one day.<\/p>\n Geoff says his office will hold a morning tea with orange balloons, sandwiches, cakes and the much-coveted social function sausage rolls. Management and staff will mingle, make small talk and laugh as they ask \u2018R U OK?\u2019 like they do every year. And Geoff will answer \u201cyes\u201d because why on earth would he open up about his psychological pain in this sort of setting? \u201cIt\u2019s just lip-service from management by even holding the function,\u201d he says. It\u2019s ironic that a day encouraging people to talk about suicide makes Geoff reluctant to talk about his own attempt. I\u2019m a huge supporter of talking about it. By the time I was 30 almost every funeral I had attended was for a young man who had taken his own life. <\/p>\n According to ABS data, suicide is the leading cause of deaths for Australians aged 15 to 44, with men accounting for three out of every five suicides.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve seen first-hand how people close to me have dealt with the torturous aftermath of suicide, tormenting themselves for years, wondering if they could have said or done something to prevent it. And in some cases I\u2019m haunted too, thinking the answer may have been yes, if only we\u2019d asked. If only.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve long resented the taboo nature of talking about suicide, sweeping it under the carpet, pretending it isn\u2019t such a pervasive, insidious scourge on our society that destroys the people left behind. Some of the people I love most in the world are forever damaged by it and it churns me up, wondering if their pain could have been prevented.<\/p>\n Approaching the topic needs sensitivity and sincerity. Having a laugh at an office morning tea is the opposite of how it should be broached, and organisations should be extremely careful running such events: they might be hurting the very people who need help, like Geoff.<\/p>\n Sydney clinical psychologist, Jason Fowler, says people with depression or suicidal thoughts often feel others can\u2019t handle the intensity of their problems, but it can be a relief to them when they are asked about it.<\/p>\n \u201cMy sense is that it\u2019s not the question, but the lack of sincere or genuine follow up that can be the issue. In my experience, opening up a dialogue is generally not a bad thing,\u201d he says. If you\u2019re going to ask someone \u201cR U OK?\u201d are you prepared for what you might say if they do open up and tell you they aren\u2019t? We should be asking the right questions all year long. Don\u2019t treat it like Casual Clothes Friday \u2014 because this is about life and death. It shouldn\u2019t be forgotten about next time there\u2019s an excuse for the sausage rolls to come out.<\/p>\n * Name has been changed.<\/p>\n If you or someone you know is in need of crisis or suicide prevention support, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14<\/strong> or visit www.lifeline.org.au\/gethelp<\/a><\/p>\n Caroline Duncan is a director at a boutique public relations, marketing, social media and copywriting consultancy. Follow her on Twitter @whatsthestoryAU<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Over the past couple of years, the presentation of R U OK? day has caused me some concern. I completely support the idea, and concept of the day. My concerns lay with those whom deliver it, and their true grasp, … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.tammytingles.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/115.jpg15.jpg\" "\\"1.jpg\\"")
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\nWe were shocked to find out on Tuesday that Lance \u201cBuddy\u201d Franklin would miss the Sydney Swans\u2019 qualifying final on Saturday due to mental health issues. Franklin kept his \u201cserious but treatable\u201d condition so private that even those closest to him were unaware of the demons he was battling.<\/p>\n
\nBuddy is now getting the love and support he needs from his family, friends, colleagues and club. Everyone should feel they have this, no matter what day of the year it is.
\nMy friend Geoff* is dreading R U OK? Day. He dreads it because of the awful insincerity in the way his workplace celebrates it.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\n\u201cIt\u2019s an excuse to slack off and eat free food. It feels like it trivialises everything I go through.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhy don\u2019t they ask on one of the other 364 days of the year? It seems like a hollow, token gesture and I suspect it\u2019s because they don\u2019t really care.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAnd that seems to be the crux of it. <\/p>\n
\nAre you prepared to give them ongoing support?
\nAre you prepared to keep asking throughout the year, not on a mandated day to ask?<\/p>\n